The Real Brendan Brady
by moonlight36
Summary: Set after Joel's stabbing. A route to a Stendan ending. Two old characters re-introduced.
1. Chapter 1

**Things I changed: Walker's impression about Brendan. Walker does not inform Brendan that he wasn't going to show up for the deal. Cheryl's reaction to Joel's stabbing. Doug and Ste have nothing but a sweet friendship. A couple of old characters are re-introduced. Brendan did not give Doug the money for the Deli, it was arranged some other way. **

Brendan paces around the hospital corridor, arms folded. He occasionally pops his head around to see through the glass window of the door behind which Joel is helplessly lying. But that is not what he peeps in to see. He is keeping an eye on Cheryl. He watches her sometimes saying something to Joel, sometimes letting her tears out, sometimes catching Brendan's face in the window and giving him a disappointed look. Brendan sighs each time she does that. Looks down and keeps pacing.

_It's not my fault. The kid wanted in. Now he knows how dangerous this life really is. Maybe now he'll stop pondering around me._

Brendan is frustrated. He did not want this to happen. He doesn't particularly care about Joel but Cheryl keeps creating these feelings of guilt in him. Brendan didn't expect things to go this badly, but they did and Joel pulled out just fine. So why is the fuss still going on?

_What does she want me to do? I already promised her I'll keep Joel out of any dodgy business now. I'll stay away from it myself, as much as I can. I need her to stop being like this._

Cheryl finally gets out of the room. Brendan stops his pacing and looks up at her. She gives him a tired, un-cheerful look. _Why does she have to be like that? _Brendan walks up to her, hold her shoulders, tries to get some eye contact. "I'm still your brother Chez. Please… I… I promised…" She gets his hands off. "I'm heading home Bren… I'm tired…" She walks away.

Brendan is once again left alone. His thoughts return to haunt him. _She seems so heartbroken, not like anything before. We've been through many things like the mugging, the real reason behind my divorce, Declan leaving and… Stephen. But all those things are we genuinely cared about so I expected Cheryl to be unforgiving. Take her time to come around. But this was nothing like that. Joel was nothing like them._

Brendan wasn't sure that she knew about the deals Brendan made. Now she had some idea. But _that_ was not raising any issue. This was purely about Joel. Why? Then it hit him. Whatever Cheryl and Warren had must be causing this. Cheryl didn't have kids of her own. That's why she felt so strongly when Brendan did something to mess up the life of Declan or Stephen and now Joel. Brendan didn't even realize how Cheryl must be feeling about Joel. She probably saw him as a son. She must feel responsible for him, perhaps as a mother.

_Shit! How did I miss it? It's not about someone else's child anymore. I guess I've let Joel come into my life a bit too much. Worse! He's found a place in Cheryl's life. I have to be careful with him. Great! Another weakness, another chink in the armor, another... Stephen._

Walker came around after he saw Chery leave. He's seen Brendan beat nearly the life out of those men. He couldn't imagine what he'd do to him if he tried anything with Cheryl. _I'd best stay out _he thought. He approached Brendan when he was sitting on the edge of the chair, hands clasped, chin on hand, bending down lost in deep thought.

"You seem a bit concerned there… didn't think the real Brendan cared,"

"He doesn't. Not for Joel at least"

"Your Cheryl then, don't worry; I swore I'd stay clear"

"You are not my worry. Never were"

Walker let a quick breath in. He had almost began enjoying the converstion. But Brendan not once look up. _A bit desperate for attention, c'mon Simon_. Brendan had something about him that made everyone feel this way. To Walker Brendan was the big Brady man whose 'real' side he'd seen when he beat those guys up. _Nope I do not want to get on the wrong side of him._

"So let us stop mourning for a while and talk about that deal" he said as cockily as he could

Brendan still didn't look up and asked casually "what deal?"

"Well I let you have a cut in it, I'd like my share now" Walker tried to sound as less desperate as possible

"Oh yeah… that deal" Brendan was now in his twisted mood, still not looking up. Stubborn as they come.

"Yeah!" Walker snapped, his patience wearing thin.

"The one _you_ let me have…"

"Yea that one… and I said cut not completely…"

"Shhh… hospital… we're… we're in a hospital" Brendan hissed

"Look just gimme my money, yeah"

"Just wanna clear one more thing"

"WHAT?"

"The deal…"

"Yes…"

"Your deal…"

"Yes mine…"

"The one you backed out from…"

"Yes… no… what are you saying?"

"You don't like to get your hands dirty. I thought that was my thing Simon" Brendan finally sat up, his one arm stretched, resting on the next seat. He still gave Walker no eye contact, staring straight. He was playing hard man Brendan Brady. To Walker, this was the real Brendan: cold, ruthless, straight-to-the-point; a cocky, selfish miser. Money was obviously all this man cared about. He had this 'close relation' with his sister because of the club. She was, after all the previous owner. He had probably schemed and plotted his way through to get it. Now he let Joel, an inexperienced little lad to do this major deal and he didn't give a dime about his safety. He was merely concerned about Cheryl's reaction. She did still own 2% of the club. This man owned only about half but controlled it completely. He probably wanted Joel out of his way.

Walker tried to calm down. He no longer wanted to be involved in this anymore. He saw Brendan had a family; his first impression was that he's a family guy who had nothing but a puny little club, a sister he really cared about and a lad who was like a son to him. That time Walker just thought Brendan was trying to be like this guy who had everything under control. He realized now that this was actually who he was. Walker just wanted his money. He wanted out. He'd seen the real Brendan and he didn't like it. Being just out of prison he just wanted to make loads of money real fast and get out. He thought he could use Brendan. But Brendan was hardly someone to use. He cannot be used because he's the ultimate user.

"Look, okay. I get your point right. But who cares now. The deal is done. I mean I got you that deal. That counts for something. Just give me my share. I'll be out."

"You wanted to see the real Brendan…"

"…silly of me… I should have stopped at what you showed me."

"Yea… you should have"

"Look I don't want any more of this. I want out."

"You were out when you didn't show up for the deal. Let the kid handle it alone yea. Well the kid works for me. If you wanted your share you and your smug little face should have shown up."

"You're right! But this was my deal. I figured if your Joel was gonna do it, then why waste the extra man-power"

"Waste…"

"I mean he could do it on his own, right. Cause he's done it before" Walker knew it wasn't true. Joel was definitely new at this business.

"You reckon…"

"Look I don't know what game you're playing with him right. I just want my money."

"You're not gonna get it." Brendan stated, plain and simple. He was getting bored of this.

"I bet your Cheryl wouldn't like it if I told her how things really went down"

"She already knows." That was it. Walker was crazy enough to ask Brendan for the money because of this. It all seemed too easy for Brendan now.

_Shit!_ That was all the leverage Walker had over Brendan. "So I guess I won't get anywhere if I believed you were a man of your word." Walker said, defeated.

Brendan smiled. "You know the real Brendan now, what do you think?" Brendan was up now, facing Walker. Walker couldn't meet his eye, knowing he's defeated.

"I will get back at you Brendan!"

"That sounds a bit desperate, Simon. In fact it sounds a bit like Warren. You know Warren, the guy behind bars. He used to say this kind of stuff too…" Brendan smirked, feeling the victory crown his head, so pleased with himself.

Walked swallowed his pride and walked away, seething.


	2. Chapter 2

Brendan smiled to himself. Sat back down and relaxed. His worries were gone, Walker was gone. Joel had come round, Cheryl would too. Now that he knows how Cheryl must feel for Joel, he knew how he was going to put his next pledge to her. _This time, she'd be forgiving. After all, I understand now._

Brendan couldn't be more pleased. Walker wouldn't come back now; he found a way to fix it with Cheryl. Yet Brendan didn't leave. Somehow he remained in the hospital. _Walker got all things right but one. Joel has become important now. Maybe he's been important for some time. After Declan, I really have no one. Of course there's always Cheryl but I've always needed more than that… wait not needed, I don't need anyone._

Brendan tried to stop his thoughts going to that one person; that one person whose thoughts always brought a burst of emotions running through his head; the person who had taken away a part of Brendan, without realizing. No one does that to Brendan Brady. No one takes anything from him and gets away. But he did. Brendan didn't stop him from taking it. Brendan didn't want it back. Brendan just wanted him back. He wanted Stephen back. But for now, Joel was enough. _Stephen would eventually come back to me, he always does._

"Brendan?"

_What? This is unexpected. Okay I was just thinking it. But I didn't expect him to come round now._

Brendan looked up slowly, hoping he was only imagining Stephen's presence; but no. He was there, very much real, very much present. He had a sympathetic look on his face. _He's here to say how sorry he is for Joel and I guess I'm in for one of those "Brendan this is all your fault" lectures. Well I don't need that right now Stephen, so unless you are here to give me a full throttle kiss or you know something else… _Brendan's thoughts trailed off to the happy old times with Stephen and him on bed and on couch and the office, the motel rooms… _we really have been all over the place haven't we. _Brendan grinned cheekily. Stephen always was responsible for his naughty thoughts or at least he was always in them.

Stephen interrupted Brendan's happy thinking time by clearing his throat. The look of sympathy on his face had faded. He was not here for any of the reasons Brendan had thought up. He was here for something else completely. He was here for the real Brendan Brady, who, according to him, needed some support.

Word had spread around the village pretty fast about Joel being in the hospital. But this time it wasn't Cheryl responsible for the spreading gossip. It was Theresa. She had found out about what had really happened to Joel and how he ended up like this. "It's all cause of Brendan. Joel trusted him like anything. I told him not to." This was her sob story to everyone curious.

It wasn't long until the news reached Stephen. He didn't know what to think. _Joel was the one always running around Brendan._ If there's anything he'd learnt from Brendan was to stay out of any of _his_ dodgy business. People said things like "Did Brendan think he could be his dad or something? He was always trouble for that kid." _What did they mean? Warren was just as well into all the dodgy stuff, more perhaps. Joel was better off with Brendan. He just needed to… why am I so bothered? Why am I taking his side? No I'm not. Brendan Brady has got nothing to do with me. But how can people judge him like that? They don't know him at all. Even Cheryl won't defend him. It's not that bad is it? It's not like someone died. Brendan didn't force him did he? And where is Brendan now… at the hospital. Didn't anyone see that? If Brendan didn't care for Joel why would he be there now?_

Stephen took his doubts to Cheryl. She was pretty upset, heart-broken. Stephen decided his questions can wait. He listened to Cheryl, got her point of view. "You know he just threw him to the sharks didn't he? I really thought he'd matured. After what he did to you, I thought my brother changed. He treated Joel like a son he did; then just tossed him round like rubbish. All this time he was just pretending to be this nice bloke, looking out for him. When to him, Joel was just another tool. You know he sent that poor lad for a job. You know how dangerous these things are. He never goes on anything like this himself. How selfish is that?"

_He doesn't want anything traced back here, _Stephen thought, _he always kept this place out of harm's way. For you, _Stephen sighed. _How come she couldn't see any of this? _Somehow Stephen's head made all sorts of excuses for Brendan, for the first time in a long time. He felt like injustice was being done to Brendan, again. Last time Stephen had given into the thoughts of these people, he realized how wrong they all were. He wasn't going to let it happen again. _Cheryl, well she'll come around, she's just a bit protective about Joel that's all. Brendan is who really needs a pick-me-up. He's not gonna ask for it and it's gonna be tough to give it to him, but I just gotta._

With these thoughts, Stephen went up to the hospital. Someone had to tell these people to shut up and look into their own life mistakes before pointing a finger. Whatever had happened to Joel was tragic but no one had the right to pin this on Brendan.

Stephen sat down next to Brendan; he placed his hands on his knees, and let out a deep breath.

_Oh, he's been rehearsing this has he? Too bad I'm gonna cut him off just as soon as he starts, _Brendan mused.

"Brendan," Stephen began, nervous, "I just came here to…"

"…to what Stephen?" Brendan interrupted. _As planned _he thought although he got a bit more irritated than he expected to be.

"To see how you were doing…" Stephen said slowly.

"To see how I… I'm not the one stabbed Stephen."

"I know"

"Well Joel's in there," Brendan pointed towards the door, "so you can take your how-sorry-you-feel to him"

"I'm not here for him"

"Then get out. I don't need you"

"I'm not here for you either"

Brendan got a bit concerned at that. Was Stephen ill or hurt? Was it Amy or the kids? He didn't let his mind wander too much and asked "Then what are you here for?"

"I'm here for the real Brendan Brady"

Okay, now this was getting irritating. Walker wanted to see the _real_ Brendan Brady, Cheryl didn't know who Brendan _really_ was anymore and Joel had his own misconception about the _real_ him. Brendan needed a break from reality right now so he scoffed "So you here to get a beating off me then." _That'll remind him of the real Brendan Brady._

"No. I just wanted you to know that all those things people are saying about Brendan aren't true. So you stop filling up your ego with it yea. I'm here to tell you that you can do absolutely nothing to change who Brendan really is. What happened to Joel is not his fault and this time it's not yours either. But you want people to think that you did it. So that would make it seem that Brendan did it. It's not true though because even if you let the whole world think so, you certainly aren't fooling me."

There was a long pause. Brendan was certainly taken aback. _Has Stephen really lost his last surviving brain cell? He is speaking to me about me in third person._

"Uh… Stephen? Are you okay?

"Hello Brendan. Nice to see you are back. I am fine. You though are not. It's no problem really, I've been through this. Joel will be just fine don't you worry. He's got you after all, looking out for him."

"What are you playing at?"

"It's just your game Brendan. Since you like to show yourself different to most people, you forget sometimes that I've seen the real you. So has Cheryl, she's been misled by you recently but she'll get back to her senses and see you for who you really are."

Brendan was thoroughly irritated now. "You gonna tell me why you really are here or I'm gonna hafta make you?"

"See that's not gonna work on me. You'll develop a split personality disorder if you keep this going."

"Shut up Stephen! You are making no sense right now. Do yourself a favor, go home and get some rest. And try not to talk to anyone on your way because you might end up in the loony bin!"

Stephen ignored Brendan's harshness. _He's getting every word I'm saying. Sorry Brendan but I can't stop now. _"Look Brendan I know how hard this must be on you. At first I didn't think you'd care about Joel so much, but I see you now. You're still here in the hospital. I know how much you hate these places. I've been around to see Cheryl. She's way too disappointed with you but honestly I think she's just being a mum about what happened to Joel. I guess we both know that Joel is like a son to her, you know Warren being his dad and all."

Gosh Stephen knew so much. Brendan realized only today about Cheryl's feelings for Joel. Maybe Cheryl told him, but not likely. Brendan had known Stephen to be pretty good with all this feelings and emotions crap. He could sometimes see right through Brendan, like now. Not that Brendan would ever admit it.

Brendan was stunned to silence by Stephen's words.

Stephen continues, "See I've seen you sometimes right, when you get all psychotic and possessive and controlling…"

"I get it…" Brendan interrupted.

"… but I know why you do it. With me, I never really got it, but I know you love Declan more than anything in the world…" Stephen hesitated a bit as he saw how Brendan's posture changed to show how uncomfortable he was.

_No Stephen, don't go there, last time you got smacked was coz of this, and I really don't wanna hurt you now, not after what you've just said._

But he continued anyway, "…and you let him go. Despite how much you wanted him to stay with you; you let him go, for his own good. I know I didn't say anything at the time, coz I was real mad at you, but you didn't let any of that get in your way, not your pride, not anything. He's gonna realize that one day, like I did And Cheryl too. You are not her most favorite person right now, but you always were and always will be. She'll come round, just talk to her kay…"

Stephen swallowed; he had so many more things to say like how sorry he felt for never visiting him in prison or how his skin crawled when people decided to say nasty things behind his back… how his mind made excuses for him and how badly he wanted him to change and how this little incident made his hopes go sky high as once again his belief that Brendan would change was almost completely restored because Brendan cared to stay in the hospital for Joel… how he was still pretty much in love with him…

Stephen felt like he'd said enough. He got up and started walking away. Brendan looked up as he was leaving.

"Stephen, wait!" Brendan wanted to hear some more. His irritation had faded away. He had started listening intently and he wanted Stephen to sit beside him and continue.

But Stephen was done. He never meant this to be anything more than conveying the acknowledgement that everything was okay between them. "Goodbye Brendan." Leaving behind many unspoken things, Stephen walked away from him.


	3. Chapter 3

Once Joel was discharged and home, Brendan wanted some time alone to reflect on some of the things Stephen had said the day before. But first he needed to clear the air with Cheryl. After dinner that day Cheryl got off the table to help Joel get to his room.

"I'm fine. Brendan offered me his room so I don't need to use the stairs," Joel smiled brightly looking over at Brendan.

"How thoughtful," Cheryl let out slowly looking at Brendan, still a bit skeptical.

"It's nothing really, just for a few days…" Brendan trailed off, trying to ignore their gazes, both carrying different emotions.

Joel went off to Brendan's room and Cheryl started clearing the table.

"Leave it, I've got it," Brendan said, taking the dishes from Cheryl. Lynsey had skipped off to her room. And it was just Cheryl and Brendan now.

"I'm off too then," Cheryl sighed, turning away from Brendan

"Why don't you sit down for a while? I wanna talk to you."

"I'm not in the mood right Brendan. Doing the dishes and being nice to Joel _now_ isn't going to change anything."

"Would you please sit down," Brendan took her by the shoulders and guided her to the sofa. They sat beside each other and Brendan began. His speech mostly highlighted the fact that he had been insensitive to her feeling for Joel and blah, blah, blah. Something he'd been through his head over and over again in the past 24 hours. Cheryl gave in easily and just put her head on Brendan's shoulder and let her tears fall.

She had a long talk with Brendan, mostly she being the one talking and concluded with, "I'm sorry Bren; I was just really scared for him. I know this isn't your fault. Sorry I made you feel that way. I just don't want you getting him into all these things right?"

"I won't, I promise," Brendan reassured. Good, this was done. Now back to Stephen.

Brendan thought over everything Stephen had said and tried to understand the most rational explanation for each statement. Some things didn't seem right at all. In the funny way Stephen had started talking, he said that what happened to Joel was not his fault. _Why did he say that? He couldn't have known that for sure. What did this mean? Was it trust?_ _No, that wasn't possible._ Stephen didn't trust Brendan at all. He hated Brendan for messing up his life and twisting with his head right? Trust couldn't exist anymore not after the whole incident with him going to prison. Trust could not exist from either side.

Gosh, Brendan thought, got himself worked up over such a small sentence. How was he going to recall the whole speech? He did anyway "…even if you let the whole world think so, you certainly aren't fooling me." _Again, how could he be so sure?_ "…you forget sometimes that I've seen the real you." _The real me, huh? He don't know the half of it._ And that was it. Brendan got enough through his head and concluded that Stephen was just trying to mess with him. _What does he know anyway? The real me… that's what he needs a taste of. _

Brendan got his jacket on, and walked to Stephen's place. _He ruined a perfectly good day. Walker was gone and I understood Cheryl's big fuss. Then why did he have to show his stupid face and mouth off to me like that. Where did he learn to do that anyway? Where does he get the guts to get on my nerves? Just because he's got a new job doesn't mean he can chat up to me like that. I'll show him his place. He wants to play my game does he? Well he's gonna realize that only I can win my game. That's the beauty of it._

Brendan finally reached Stephen's house and impatiently knocked. Stephen opened the door and gave Brendan an unsurprised and tired look.

"Stephen, what you said yesterday…"

"Come in," Stephen cut him off and moved back in the house. Brendan followed.

_Okay he wants to piss me off some more but I'm not gonna care even if I gotta smack him in front of his kids…" _Brendan's thoughts went blank as he saw two strangers sitting in the living room.

Stephen introduced them, "Brendan this is Amy's father, Mike and his partner, Zoe. Mike, Zoe, this is Brendan. He was my boss at my old job."

"Hello Brendan," Zoe said smiling.

Brendan quickly changed to 'nice' mode and said, "hello, I just came by to uh…" not knowing what to do, he turned to Stephen and handed him ten pounds saying "here Stephen, Cheryl told me to give you this. Said she owed you so…"

Stephen quietly took the money, turned to Mike and continued the lie, "Yea, Cheryl, his sister. She uh came by at the deli today and didn't have any cash on her so I just… they've been dead nice to me when I worked at their club." Stephen looked down and then turned to Brendan, "Shall I put on some tea for you as well?"

"No" came the quick reply, "I best be going now. Really nice to meet you two," Brendan nervously bent over and shook Mike's hand and then Zoe's. He turned to Stephen, tilting his head slightly said, "I'm off then,"

"Yeah, goodbye Brendan"

"Goodbye"

_Wow that was awkward. Great there was no Amy. Wait! Why was there no Amy? I mean these were her folks right? _Brendan couldn't be concerned about that now. He just wanted to walk away.

Next morning, Brendan caught Stephen making his way to the Deli; he was alone since Doug hadn't arrived yet. _This is my chance, _Brendan thought and strode down the step and headed for a desperate chat with Stephen. On his way he tried to remind himself of why he was storming towards Stephen. _He tried to mess with me. The idiot! What were Amy's folks doing at his place? Why do I care? Just gonna have a nice little chat with him; remind his guts whose boss. Stupid uniform, but he sure can pull it off. Focus Brendan! _

Brendan abruptly entered the Deli and found Stephen bend over picking something up. Stephen turned giving Brendan a what-do-you-want-now expression. Distracted by Stephen's body, Brendan forgot the purpose of his little trip and stared blankly at Stephen. Stephen rolled his eyes and got on with his work.

"I… I need te talk te ye about what ye said at the hospital…"

"Yea…"

"You were a little off that day… more than usual…"

"You wanna get to the point?"

"Yea... I was saying that…"

"Morning Ste! Hey Brendan!" Doug strode in, "Sorry I'm a bit late. Brendan, you'd wanna come back later, we haven't gotten anything to serve just yet."

"Yea, I guess I'll…" Brendan trailed off, cocking his head to the side and marching off.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Wouldn't I like to know" Stephen mused; _maybe that prep talk was unnecessary._

As the afternoon rush in Carter and Hay ended, Brendan, who had been standing in the balcony watching and waiting for the best moment to pull Stephen out of there, got down and made his way towards him.

"Stephen, you need to come with," Brendan stated as soon as he entered.

"I'm busy," Stephen was wiping the platform; two customers were waiting for their pizza.

Beep.

"I'll get it" Doug broke the silence.

"See, he can manage on his own for now, can you please just come with me?"

_Please, he said please. I guess I gotta go. _"Alright" Ste started to remove his apron when more people entered the Deli.

"Hey Ste, we'll have your best off the menu please. On the house preferably" Zoe and Mike entered with Leah and Lucus.

"Hiya" Stephens face lit up and he bend over to give Lucas a cuddle and Leah gave him a small kiss on his cheek.

"Hello Brendan," Mike said dryly.

"Hello Mr. Barnes"

"Please, call me Mike,"

Brendan just smile and then noticed how everyone was looking at him. _Shit! What am I doing here? Right, I need a pizza, for Cheryl. _Brendan handed Stephen a 20 pound note and said "I'll come round for my pizza okay"

"But you didn't order anything; I thought you wanted to…"

"It's alright Doug, he told me what he wants," Stephen interrupted. Everyone felt an air of tension leave and Brendan walked out of the Deli.

_Great, that's 30 pounds gone just to talk to him and this pathetic pizza; he knows how much I hate fruit in food, and pineapple, yuck! When will these people leave?_


	4. Chapter 4

Brendan sees Steven walk in Price Slice and follows him there. As he catches hold of Stevens arm and pulls him towards him, Steven pulls back gesturing towards Mike and Zoe who are already in the shop. Brendan throws his head back, _can't I get a moment alone with him!_ Steven, irritated breaks free his arm from Brendan's hold before Mike sees them. Mike doesn't know that Steven is gay and somehow Steven wants it to be so. Mike has been like a dad to Steven, so him knowing would be a big deal. Amy hadn't gotten a chance to talk with him because just on the night of their arrival, she and Ally had gone off to Australia for a weekend trip.

Brendan, frustrated, pulled Steven out into the street, ignoring his resistance, "I just wanna talk to ye Steven!"

"Right well I don't" Steven said fidgeting, "let go now, everyone's looking"

"You weren't so shy before" Brendan smirked.

"We can talk later, I got company," Steven pushed Brendan away and walked straight to Mike.

_Everyone's looking… why does he care? Never mind him. He's so cautious as if they were his folks._

Later that night Steven gets the kids ready as they decide that they will all go to pick Amy and Ally up from the airport. Steven manages to arrange for a cab. Since business at Carter and Hay was going so good and he wanted to impress Mike he thought he could afford it.

They arrived at the airport and soon enough spotted Amy and Ally. She ran up to them, first giving a massive hug to Leah and Lucas and then to her dad. She even hugged Zoe and in all her excitement failed to notice Steven who was standing respectably behind Mike. By the time Amy noticed Stevens's presence, Ally had caught up to them. He put his arm around her waist and shook hands with Mike and Zoe. "Hey there Ste!" he yelled, Ste made himself visible from behind Mike and for a moment everyone stared blankly at him.

"Hey Ally. So how was Australia?" Ste returned.

"Was good," Ally replied.

Ste noticed everyone's stares. "Um, I'll just go call that cab." Ste nervously made his way away from the group feeling like an outcast. He heard Amy from behind "Hey I missed you guys so much," he turned around to look at Amy kneel down again and give a bunch of hugs and kisses to the kids. His kids. His gaze then went up to see Mike and Ally chatting away. Mike's stern expression had eased away. _He's never like that with me._ Ste continued on his way out to the road and wondered how they'd all fit into one cab.

When the others caught up to him, they started seating themselves in. Ste stood outside as the cab doors closed. Amy popped her head out and asked him if he could catch a bus home. He nodded slightly and watched the cab drive past him.

Ste felt his eyes go moist. He remembered what Amy said before she left with Ally. "We are going to see Ally's parents. He's really serious about us. That's why I called dad and Zoe over. I hope you are okay on your own, you know with them staying here. You won't have to bother about Leah and Lucas at all." But Ste did want to be bothered about them. Her and Ally had been spending a lot of time together with the kids. Ste would be too busy with the Deli and the time he had free, so did Ally so they'd take the kids out then. Ste would join but that became too awkward for everyone. Ste felt like an intruder in his own house. Amy was going to marry Ally and the kids already loved him. Lee had almost taken his family away but something told Ste the Ally would probably be successful in doing so. That something was probably his inferiority towards Ally. He was not gay, he was better off than Ste, Mike had no reason to hate him, he was giving the kids time and piggy back rides more than Ste could.

_I've lost them. _Ste felt proper tears fall from his eyes. He didn't realize that he had been taking a long stroll going through his thoughts and had lost complete track of time. He checked his phone and realized it was too late for a bus. He checked his wallet to see if he had enough cash on him to catch a cab. He didn't. It was a long walk home. But Ste decided to walk anyway. About fifteen minutes later, Amy called Ste. They had reached home and were getting ready to go out for dinner.

"Where are you?"

"I'm coming…"

"We'll be late. How about you join us when you get here? We are going to…"

"Oh don't wait up, you guys go ahead. I'm a bit knackered me, I think I'll get some early kip"

"Okay, if you say so. Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

Ste got too tired and too heartbroken to keep walking so sat down. _Maybe I could go out with Doug tonight._ He scrolled down the list of contacts on his phone and came across Brendan's name. _He did say he wanted to talk. I could use the distraction. _Ste called Brendan, looked around to see where he was then asked Brendan to pick him up.

Ste was sitting on a bench nearby, hoping this wasn't too big a mistake. But if Brendan did hit him, at least Amy would pay some attention. _I'm pathetic! But she didn't even look at me. I even got them a cab. _He looked up as a silver Merc stopped in front of him. One deep breath and he got up. The door flung open, "wanna ride?" Brendan asked, all smiles. Steven tried to look irritated, but this was welcoming in so many ways. He sat himself down and they drove off.

After a while, Brendan asked, "you hungry?"

"No, not really"

"Well I'm well starved. Think I'm gonna grab a burger. You want one?"

"I said no Bren" Ste wanted to sound irate but the quiet drive had lead his thoughts to once again wander to Mike, Amy, his kids. Brendan noticed it but didn't push it. After he ordered his to go, Brendan drove past the town and came to a much quieter location, near the woods. He parked his car, unwrapped his burger and enjoyed the delight of it on his tongue. He expected his obscure way and horrible palate manners to grab Steven's attention, but Ste was just staring into space, lost in deep thought.

"Alright! What's wrong?" Brendan finally snapped.

"What… other than your mouth?"

"Didn't hear you complain before," Brendan smirked before taking another larger than life bite.

Ste rolled his eyes, trying hard not to smile at that.

"Trouble at work? Home?" Brendan asked, already knowing the answer.

"Every where's fine… I'm just tired me…"

"Yea right… so why did you call me?"

"Needed a ride home," Steven looked up at Brendan's unimpressed face and quickly added, "and you said you wanted to talk to me, so…" Steven trailed off. There was a second's silence, Ste contemplated on whether Brendan had taken offence to his first sentence.

"So I'm your driver now?" Brendan broke the silence.

Ste shrugged, but was put to ease by Brendan's small laugh. "I'm sorry, didn't mean it like that"

"Well you can make it up to me"

"We're not together like that anymore Bren; don't expect that from me now"

_We're not together at all. _"Get your mind out of the gutter Steven. Just thought you could tell me what's going on in your head and then we'll be even right"

Steven thought about it, the slowly said, "I think Amy might take away me kids"

"You did something wrong?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Wow, that's a lot to go on"

"I guess she may think Ally would be a better dad for them that's all"

"Did she say that to you?"

"No but they're thinking of getting married soon. Maybe they'll move to Australia. I don't know"

"Well you could always move there too you know. If you wanted to be with your kids"

"I thought about that, but when Amy thought of all of us moving to America with Lee, I couldn't go"

"Yea, even I don't think I'd wanna live with that guy"

"No it's not that. I've got a record me, so I was legally not allowed to go there."

"Oh, well I'm sure I could arrange for something"

"How'd you mean?"

"Well, you know me, connections and all that"

"I don't wanna do nothing dodgy right"

"It's not like that Steven. Just knowing some useful people. What did you get in for anyways? Nothing big I suppose"

"No… well, thanks"

"That all?"

"Yea, pretty much…"

"But?"

Ste looked up. "But nothing…"

"Really… so what was all that 'everyone's looking' fuss about?"

"I thought you didn't like the whole public display of affections thing. Didn't want a smack in front of Mike"

"Steven I wouldn't do that…" Brendan trailed off. They were just starting to talk normally for once. _He had to bring that up._ "What's with this Mike anyway? Looks at you as if you…"

"Does he really?" Ste interrupted, "I thought we were over that"

"Over what? You being gay?"

_Did he just say that? _"No, I… he doesn't know that about me. I was talking about…"

"Oh so we are hiding in the closet now? Thought you were out?"

"I am… it's just… Mike doesn't need to know right. It'll just give him another reason to hate me"

"Gosh Steven! You pushing me every time to come out and you can't even do it yourself"

"You don't know what he's like right. I don't wanna give him another reason to think I'm an unfit dad"

"So being gay is being an unfit dad. Yea thanks a lot Steven"

_He is actually admitting it! Gosh I must be dreaming. _"It's not like that Brendan. I just told you I think Amy wants to take the kids away…"

"But it's not just about that, is it?"

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean the way you act around that man. Like he's got a hold over you. It aint right the way he's treating you"

"Yea coz you're the only one allowed to do that"

"Look, be angry with me all you like, but don't let that Mike or that other guy make you feel small. You stood up to me and not a lot of people get away with that. And… and I love you for that."

Steven looked up at Brendan, actually stared at him for a while. There was a silence, not necessarily uncomfortable but it lasted a good few minutes until Brendan broke it with "so you wanna head home now or…" Steven broke him off by pushing himself over Brendan and giving him a passionate, long awaited kiss. They broke off only when Stevens back pushed the honk and they both jumped slightly at the shock. Their laughter broke off. Brendan watched Steven's lit up face, something he was missing for some time now. His hand curled behind Steven's neck, pulling him in for another kiss, slower and more intense.

Steven finally pulled back. Brendan repeated his question, "do you wanna head home now?" Steven put his finger on Brendan's lips and trailed it down unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled in closer to Brendan and whispered slowly into his ears, "there's something I always wanted to do…"

**I guess next chapter may become a rating M. Just warning.**


	5. Chapter 5

Steven quickly slid through to the back seat, using his forefinger to teasingly ask Brendan to join him. Brendan could not go through there quite like Ste so he got out of the car and entered through the back. Ste's T shirt was almost immediately pulled off followed by the complete removal of Brendan's already unbuttoned shirt. Brendan started unbuttoning Steven's jean who suddenly remember something, "We've got no protection!"

Brendan let out an exasperated laugh, reached for his wallet and pulled out two packets: a condom and some lube. He smirked slightly before saying, "always prepared"

Steven didn't need anything more, his hands automatically reached Brendan's pants, unbuttoning his fly. By this time Brendan had pulled down Steven's jean and Ste kicked them off. Brendan got out of his clothes, tossed them away and they stared down at each other, taking each other in. It had been too long and now that they were back, look where they were. Brendan laughed at the thought. Only Steven could make him do something like this: sex in the backseat of a car.

Steven, annoyed by Brendan's amusement, kicked him slightly, reminding him of the uncomfortable position they were in: Steven on his back, sweating with Brendan on top, his legs around Brendan's neck and they were both really hard. Brendan, ignoring Steven's impatience, leaned down to kiss him. Steven tried to protest at first but he instead responded with an intense, deep, full on kiss to Brendan's small peck. His hands slid down and began rubbing Brendan's pride. Brendan disengaged from Steven's lips, and bit the flesh over Ste's collar bone, leaving his mark. Two could play it rough.

Steven reached for the two packets and desperately tried to open them. Meanwhile Brendan rolled down the car's windows a tiny bit to allow some air circulation. Air, something they were both going to be short of soon. Brendan took the lube packet from Ste, and applied it on his cock. When he saw Ste distracted with trying to open the condom packet, Brendan unexpectedly thrust his finger in Ste's opening. Ste moaned in shock and pleasure. He shut his eyes, and squirmed. Brendan grinned, allowing the satisfaction of being responsible for the sounds Ste made seep in. He added the second finger and then reached for the condom. Using his free hand and mouth, he ripped open the packet. Ste put it on him, applied some lube and let out a deep breath. This was cue for Brendan that he was ready.

Brendan entered slowly and then picked up the pace. Ste took up the job of keeping them from falling as Brendan went in deep. Ste held himself close to Brendan with his arms around Brendan's neck and his legs going round his waist, holding on tightly. Brendan climaxed making such a sound, letting any passerby know what they were up to. Ste held on a bit longer, then his hold loosened and he fell back on the seat. Brendan realized that he wasn't the only one who'd cum. He cleaned himself and Steven and then collapsed on him.

They lay there for sometime in silence until Steven broke it with, "that was amazing!" After this Brendan would have thought up something cocky to reply with, but instead lifted his head up, looked down at Ste brushing his hair and said, "It was."

* * *

The journey back was a quiet one, making Brendan wonder if Ste regretted doing what they had done. His mind relaxed when Ste said, "I think I'm hungry now," Brendan laughed a little before leaning towards Ste for a kiss. Ste looked at him strangely and then asked, "you okay?"

"Yea, you?"

"I'm great, just hungry" Steven felt strange in the way Brendan acted. He was being soft and so were his kisses.

"I mean, after this, you _are_ alright right?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be"

"And that was what you wanted right"

Ste thought about it and said, "yea, course." He smiled slightly wondering what Brendan actually meant.

"And _I_ was what you wanted right?"

"Yea Bren! Whats with the 20 questions?"

"Nothing, just checking"

"Checking what?"

"If we were still…" Brendan trailed off.

Steven remembered that they were not together and realized what they did was _not_ okay. But he didn't care. He said harshly, "there's no 'we' is there. There never was"

"So what was that just now?"

"Sex; to blow off some steam. Why do you care? You had me right?"

"No, I don't want you just for that. I…"

"What? Bren just let it out or stop talking. You're being really weird!"

Brendan stopped talking then stopped the car near a cafeteria. "What d'you want?"

"I'm not hungry anymore" Ste said, his hands crossed, looking away, ignoring the fact that he was absolutely famished.

"Okay, so you wanna head home now?"

"Would you stop asking me that!" A hungry man is an angry man.

"Okay! What do you want to do then?"

"I'll walk!" Ste stormed out before Brendan could say anything. They were back in Hollyoaks and Ste's flat wasn't far now. Brendan stayed in the car, watching as Ste walked away.

Ste reached the flat, it was empty. The night's events flooded his mind. He ran a bath and went through the fridge to find something to eat. He found a milk box, some left over macaroni and cheese Leah had made and some left over pie. Ste indulged in them, trying to forget the reason why he was so hungry.

After eating, Ste tossed his clothes in the laundry, and stepped in the bath. He blocked out the thoughts of Amy and Brendan, two people he loved to bits, two people who were capable of hurting him to bits. He heard Amy come in, shushing Leah and Lucas as she entered. Ste smiled, covered himself up in a bathrobe, drained the water and then stepped out of the bathroom.

"I thought you were sleeping?"

"No, was taking a bath. Hey guys!" Ste docked down and picked up a sleepy Lucas and took Leah's hand. "Who wants to hear one of Daddy's stories?"

"I'll take them," Mike said taking Lucas from Ste and guiding Leah to her room.

"I wanted to talk to you" Amy said quietly, taking Ste's hand. Ste noticed the band on Amy's finger.

"He proposed," Ste sighed

"Yes!" Amy said excitedly, "Isn't it great?"

"How long have you really known him?"

"Oh! C'mon Ste. It's not like we're getting married tomorrow. He asked me in Australia and then again now. We thought it'd be a great way to tell them"

"Yea, we…"

"Hey, I thought you'd be happy for me. He's a great guy, don't you think?"

"Yea, he's perfect"

"What's this about?"

"I don't wanna talk about it here"

"You wanna go out and talk?"

Ste looked up, remembered why Amy was amazing, she got what he wanted, "Yea," he replied, nicely this time.

They walked out, Ste taking the lead, Amy followed. Ste let out his real worries to Amy, who promised him that she would never take the kids away from him. Ste still sighed, "I'd still lose my best mate,"

"No you wont" Amy pushed him playfully.

Ste smiled, relieved, "and you're sure you want this?"

"Ste I'm not an idiot. I said yes but I told him I'm not ready yet. So we're gonna take it slow"

"That's good, I guess" Ste said, looking down.

"Only we'll have a little engagement party"

Ste looked up at her, "you just said take it slow"

"Well it was dad's idea. You know for like a proper ring exchange ceremony"

"All this is decided and you wanna tell me now!" Ste took his arm away from Amy's hold.

"I dunno, you usually feel really awkward with me and Ally. And dad! All these days you stayed with him, you guys didn't get any closure"

"All these days Ames, its only been one little weekend. And I've been busy with the Deli"

"You haven't told him have you?"

"About what?"

"About you being gay. Dad kept asking at the diner if you were acting up or being jealous of Ally"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, Ally came back so we dropped it. Ste, why didn't you tell him?"

"Amy just drop it right!" Ste snapped.

"No Ste! Tell me why!"

"It just never came up right!"

"Okay, tell him whenever you're ready"

"What d'you mean by that"

"Nothing," she said coyly

"Ames, I have no problem telling him right now"

"Okay then go ahead"

"He must have slept by now"

"Then tell him tomorrow"

"Fine!"

"Fine" Amy grinned as she saw Ste storm away. Ste was shy to admit it in front of her dad and she knew it.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Ste woke up later than usual, and knowing the reason why, he groaned. His body ached from the events of last night but he had to pull himself out of bed, contemplating on what was to come out of his planned conversation with Mike. Nothing he'd hoped. A positive reaction would be too much to ask for and a negative one was sure to come. So if he got no reaction, he'd probably be happier. Luckily enough, since he was getting late for work, Ste had the excuse to rush out of the house without more than a 'see ya' to everyone.

At work, Ste remained distracted, revising his speech in his head that he'd have to convey to Mike: _Hey Mike, I'm Gay… no …. umm, Mike there's this thing I wanna tell you about me, its important… well not to you but to me… gosh! Mike, I need you to know that no matter what, I love Brendan, WTF? No I mean Leah and Lucas, I love me kids, even if I'm gay… wait that makes no sense… I know I'm gay, but it doesn't lessen the love I have for… no no! _

A beep from the oven distracted Ste, he ran his hands through his hair, looking down at the pizza. He had the strangest idea to write on the pizza 'I'm Gay, by Ste' and deliver it to Mike. He had a good mind to do that, when Doug came in saying, "That's done right. People are waiting Ste." With that Ste packed the pizza, constantly looking at it as if he'd already written the message.

"Right, where's your head today?"

"All over the place," Ste replied without thinking.

"Umm okay, care to share," Doug leaned over the counter, to catch Ste's expression.

"It's nothing right,"

"Well its nearly time for our break, you wanna head home, I can handle the rush now. Anyways, just Brendan may show up now,"

Ste finally looked up, "yea, I think I'll leave," Brendan's timing was impeccably wrong. He'd chosen to come pop around everyday just as they started their break, so Ste definitely didn't need that right now. On the other hand, if he went home, he'd have to face Mike, and he hadn't thought up of any comfortable way to tell him yet.

xoxoxo

Brendan's day went as usual, except for a few extra temper-lost-moments with the staff. Slumped on the bar table, Brendan looked across at Joel who was chatting up to Theresa and some other girls, flashing his scar. He was relating his 'heroic tale about how I got the scar' to them. Brendan rolled his eyes, but then noticed some actions, gestures and facial expressions on Joel that reminded him of someone much more bearable to have around.

Soon enough, Joel disappeared, and Steven appeared, talking with a little blond haired girl, Rae. He made his gestures to match with his confident attitude but who was he kidding. One moment he'd say something flirty to her and then make sure no offence was taken. One moment he'd be bragging about his job at Chez Chez the next he'd describe something cute his kids did. Brendan, lost in thought, blindly smiled, his gaze still set in Joel's direction. When Joel caught that, he was beaming with joy. He excused himself from the company's of the 'lovely ladies' and made his way towards Brendan. Brendan broke out of his daydreaming, replacing his lit up face with his poker face.

"So I take it wadn't just the ladies I impressed," Joel grinned as a sat down next to Brendan.

"hmm," Brendan placed the bridge of his nose between his two thumbs, rubbing slightly.

"Something wrong?"

"No… go back to work yea, playtimes over" Brendan stood up, strode up to his office. Joel followed behind him, "Hey, whats this about then?"

"What?"

"Why are you so moody?"

"Aren't I always. Get outta my office will ye"

"No. This is about Ste right. That little twirp winding you up?"

"You want another trip to the hospital?"

"You promised Cheryl you wouldn't hurt me"

"Yea but I promise loads of things don't I?" Brendan said this less harshly than he wanted to. He was obviously not referring to any promise he made to Cheryl.

Joel saw that Brendan's mind had probably trailed off somewhere. He let him be for a while, but decided to have it out with Ste.

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Ste stepped out of the Deli, thinking about taking a few rounds around the park before heading home. Joel saw as he exited. Joel knew that around this time Brendan made it a point to go to the Deli and if today he didn't go, he figured that the problem was Ste. He walked up to Ste, placing his hand over his shoulder to stop him. Irritated, Ste turned around, "Oye get off!" then seeing Joel's face, changed his expression from annoyance to well, a milder annoyance, "Joel, what d'you want?"

"I want you to stop messing with his head,"

"What? Who are you talking about?"

"Brendan. He had a go at me cuz o you today. He was being all nice to me until you,"

"Look I dunno what you're talking about yea, but I didn't do nothing,"

"What does he see in you anyway? You're a little chav!"

"You're one to talk. Now get outta me face!"

Joel stopped Ste by placing his hand on Ste's shoulder and pushing him. Ste didn't really want to fight him, knowing he was recently stabbed. So instead turned around and started walking away.

"You're a worthless piece of shite who knows nothing but to wind people up," Joel shouted from behind. Ste didn't react, instead, picked up his pace before he made a show of himself. Reaching his house, Ste entered, shutting the door behind him. Tears that had formed earlier at Joel's harsh words started rolling down.

_Worthless piece of shit… _words that had haunted him throughout his life; words that came out of Mike, Terry and even his own mother to describe him. Ste was reminded of the great disappointment he was: bastard, unwanted child, victim of child abuse, wife beater, self-loathing, suicidal, teen parent, druggie, thief, _disgusting_… the words stung on Steven's heart as he remembered the person who said it, Brendan. Brendan Brady, the one who gave Ste yet another reason to completely hate himself. Feelings that were long suppressed sprung out when Brendan set his eyes on Ste. Now with Mike around, being gay felt like the most wrong thing on earth. He'd want his kids to be true to themselves but he himself didn't think he deserved such freedom.


End file.
